Friendship

So what makes people friends? And I ask this not based on one event, but on several over the last few days, last week. I'm sure if a certain person reads this. they will assume it's all about one argument or discussion.  A negative event. But it's just as much about a very nice conversation I had last night. A conversation wth someone, who might be a friend. Or maybe just a client or associate.

So what makes a friend? Is it shared political beliefs? Shared religion? Do we pick our friends based on proximity, physical attraction, similar tastes in music or film? I don't know.  And at what point does someone cross that line and become friends.  And at what point do we recross that line and the friendship dies?

If someone betrays you were they ever really a friend?  Can you accidentally betray someone? I know nothing hurts worse than being hurt by a friend.  I have had that happen and I have hurt friends.  I have an ex friend now who feels I betrayed him, he can't forgive me, and honestly I'm glad that friendship is dead.

Other friendships I can't let go.  Even though I know I should, I need to let them go and move on.  I don't want to but I know more pain lies ahead.  And it's my fault, my fault for being lonely, for seeing the best in someone and wanting more than friendship.  I should have known better.  I can't shake her out of my head, and I'm barely even in hers.

Is this person a friend, or am I just smitten. But this isn't just about her and it.  Can I be friends with someone with a huge age difference, of a different gender.  We don't hang out, we do talk and chat.  Mostly about the work/hobby we have in common, but occasionaly just about stuff.  It's just semantics really. Did I talk to my friend, or did I talk to an acquaintance, or associate? Why is it even important? Who said it was important?

If web writing was limited to things that were imporant then there would be no stories about Snooki and her devil spawn. Maybe I just wanted to write. To spill out just a bit of the boiling bile inside me before the pressure gets too much and I explode.  So I come here, where I don't have to stay on subject.  I don't have to be fair, accurate, or precise.  I can be bitter.  I can post whatever I want, good, bad, or random.  I can say thank you for making me smile.  I can say fuck you for hurting me, wihtout any of the Facebook bullshit.  And neither of you will ever read this. But someone might.  Whatever I have blown off steam.

Karen

I wish I were on Bourbon Street right now, under a full moon. I’d be on my way to a gentlemen’s club, a strip joint to be more to the point.  I’d find a girl there and I’d pretend she cared. I’d call her Karen and pretend she cared.  Just like a girl so long ago. A girl named Karen, and I thought she cared. I wouldn’t make her dance, just sit and talk. Talk about dreams and dreams, hopes and dreams.  Hope is a sort of dream, and it’s real until you wake up. I dreamed about her, but the more real she became, the more I shook myself awake.  I let the dream just float away.  Now, some days, some nights, I dream about Karen, but it’s no longer a dream, no longer a hope, but just a memory. A memory of a dream

What gives?

So a couple weeks ago I posted a picture that was anti "don't ask, don't tell" which showed a photo of two men kissing.  One man was in uniform. I knew I would get likes and positive comments from many friends, and assumed my anti-gay friends would just ignore it and whisper behind my back as usual. What somewhat shocked me, although it shouldn't have in retrospect, was a "friend" who posted one comment than un-friended me.  The comment was "disgraceful."

Now I need to mention beyond Facebook monikers this man was more acquaintance than friend.  The closest thing to friendship was when he helped me change a tire.  While I am glad he helped his motives were more in wanting me to put in a good word for him with his ex than christian charity.  Still it shocked me a little, then pissed me off.  After all, what gives?

Ok I get he is against gay marriage, against gays in the military, just anti gay, homophobic redneck, I get that.  He has two kids and I guess in true Mississsippi fashion, he is afraid if they see two men kissing they will catch the gay germ.  Wait nevermind it's a choice, so his daughters would think "damn kissing some one of the same sex looks cool.  Think I'll try it."

Maybe it was just disgust.  Why because growing up in the south most of us are taught it's disgusting.  We don't know why, we just had it beat into us. So a mixture of fear and disgust, and religious righteousness made it unacceptable to be friends with someone who would post a picture of dudes playing tonsil hockey.

Still what really, really gets me is why he waited so long.  This isn't the first controversial picture I have posted.  During the Iranian protests, I posted pictures of a woman lying dead after she was killed by police.  During the Syrian revolution I posted pictures of dead people, very graphic bloody pictures.  I have posted pictures of nearly nude women, and men.  I have posted videos with nudity, bth male and female full frontal nudity to boot. All this as well as profanity, blasphemy, and even anti American sentiment, but it was two men kissing that broke his proverbial camels back.  Really?

All I can say is that apparently you had rather your kids see pictures of bloody dead bodies than men kissing men.  You can deal with profanity, even nudity, but not the fact that some men, love other men.  That some women prefer the company of other women in bed.  Do you realize how fucked up this makes you?  That murder and gore is better than love?  I feel sorry for your daughters, and I feel sorry for the world that you are carrying on a legacy of fear and stupidity

need

I always thought that being needed would lead to being wanted.  truth is it doesn't really work that way.  Being needed, only leads to being used.  The thing is you can't blame the person who is using you, because it's your fault.  You encourage it, even demand it at times, hoping against hope that they will see you in a different light.  It's a lost cause.  The user might even come to completely depend on the used, like a tire depends on air, but it can never care for it.  It can even acknoledge that you haev always been there, always been supportive, but they can never want you. And if you withdraw that support, you feel like the evil one, maybe you are the evil one, because you caused it

Don't forget the storm victims

A day after celebrating the death of our collective boogeyman, let's not forget what the newspapers and national news have forgotten. Hundreds dead and hundreds homeless across the south. They need your thoghts and they need your help

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Can't Be Tamed- New Miley Cyrus video